I had every intention of doing Real Talk Tuesday LIVE on Facebook yesterday. Like, seriously. I woke up energetic. I had my coffee. I talked my husbands ears off during the ride out to the country. Taking a new window out to the house to replace this week (or next) was one thing on our agenda for the day. If you are new around here, we are in the middle of a FULL house renovation. (Read that story here) We are redoing the whole thing with the exception of the exterior brick that encases the home.
The plumbing, the electric, the septic system, interior walls, splitting a room into two, opening up walls for bigger space, new roof, new windows, new doors, new lighting, gutted the kitchen and the bathroom and we are doing 95% of the work ourselves with the help of very few good friends. We did take a break this summer because it was so darn hot and I dug more into creating a new collection and started a part time job at an upscale dessert shop. I have to say its been a little challenging to step away to find the momentum to dig back in.
We did a few measurements so we could come back to the city to price roofing shingles, so we can hopefully start that project at the beginning of the new year. As I was in the yard, I was looking around and it was so dreary. A bit cloudy, lots of leaves covering the ground, and bare looking trees. To be honest, it felt a bit dead out there. We don’t have any close neighbors, so you can imagine what the lifelessness does to an empath. I start to feel it. Something came over me on the ride back to town and I couldn’t put my finger on it. I actually started to get a bit annoyed and frustrated.
Yes, the girl that is full of hope, light, truth, and love, gets attacked with negative energy and begins to feel down from time to time. One thing I don’t want to paint for you is this picture that my life is perfect.
Y’all I am usually filled with joy, but it is not the funnest thing to be 35 years old, very independent and living with my in-laws. Its been a year. I want to run to the bank so fast to get a loan and hire all the contractors to get this done and over FAST because I have been over it myself. We are on this journey to become debt free and have it in our spirit (well more so the hubs than me) to pay for it without a loan. And at this point and time, it was driving me a bit bonkers yesterday, because it will just take a bit longer, requiring more patience.
This month is already hard for me because it is the month my mom passed away. Christmas Eve to be exact. This is the second Christmas season that I have not been in my own home, putting up my own decorations, making a mess in my own kitchen, etc.
To put it lightly, I am beyond ready for my own place again. This has been a huge sacrifice. I fear I can’t go into details, but I hope you get an idea.
So there are those days we have sometimes, right? Days when we can’t quite put our finger on the real problem and why “today” seems to be the day it bothers you the most.
Those days when we shed some tears. Where we may do a bit more than just shed tears.
I cried today and it wasn’t one of my usual empathetic cries. It was a hefty soul cry. I was frustrated. I can’t workout much right now and I can’t run due to healing from an accident that happened early last month. So its been hard to release those endorphins that help us relieve stress and get over frustrations.
What is one to do?
You do what you can. You have your moment. Don’t deny yourself that moment to cry it out, pound it out on the pavement, plug your ears with music or do whatever you need to get through for that moment or day.
I had to cry it out. I listened to worship music. I yelled a bit. I was even a bit short in responses a few times towards my husband. I wanted to be left alone, completely unbothered.
In the midst of all that, I knew that I couldn’t stay there. If I did, I would become bitter and negative energy would begin to settle in and would follow me into another day.
A little bit into the afternoon, I felt the sun wash away some of the nonsense and fill me with its beautiful energy. And my beautiful sister decided to give me a call at the right time. I cheered up and all that was bothering the crud out of me, seemed to be lifted.
One thing we probably could do more of when we are feeling down and having one of those days, is call up a friend or a sister and talk. It doesn’t even have to be about the issue, but just a conversation to take your mind off of what you may have been dwelling on a bit too much. Its kind of good for the soul!
I know this isn’t one of my most encouraging posts as usual, but I just have to be real with you. Some days I just don’t have it in me. Some days I don’t want to participate. Some days I want to isolate myself. Some days I say too much. Some days I don’t show my family the love that Jesus displayed so well.
Some days are just hard. Even “the encourager” has hard days where the words that slip off my tongue don’t encourage at all. But we are all human. Be willing to give yourself some grace instead of beating yourself up and knocking yourself further down, making it even harder to get up again.
Much Love,
Crystal Keefer
Charleston Artist | Writer | Photographer 