Are you a planner or like to have control over what happens in your life or would just kind of like to KNOW what you should be doing in certain situations?
Sometimes, we don’t even come off normally as one that likes to be in control, but when stuff gets rough or a HUGE change is coming, the feelings of wanting to be in control show up knocking on the front door and ready to move in like they paid someone rent!
We have entered into a season of uncertainty and its been a bit of a struggle for me. I believe God put an idea and a HUGE task on my heart and for a while, I literally fought with it!
One minute it sounded great. The next, I’m saying “oh, heck no, we can’t do that”. But over the course of a year, God worked on me to give me peace. Even though I have peace, fear still tries to seep in and take over. Anxiety tries to show up and take over.
There is so much right now that we just do not know, but there is ONE thing we do know.
We know that God Said, “Move out (back for me) to the country and take over the house”.
“The house” would be my childhood home. The country area where I grew up. The life I wanted so fast to leave behind and get the heck away from.
So fast, that I literally went to live in New York for 3 months, the DAY after I graduated high school. I came back JUST in time to start college, thanks to my sister for setting EVERYTHING up for me while I was gone.
I know I would like to be faithful to what I believe God has told us to do. I have struggled with it because its something that, when I think about it in my mind, it doesn’t sound like the ideal life where we are living it up the way we have envisioned. Not what we had planned for ourselves.
I don’t like the schools in the county. Never thought we would ever do private school and the ones that are close I have been on edge about. Homeschooling is an option, but not sure I want to do the teaching. Online schooling can be a challenge for visual learners. So I don’t know what we will do in this area and school starts back in just a few weeks!
But that’s okay. I am choosing to trust God. I know He knows and hears my concerns. I also know that His ways are far better than my own and I trust that he will lead us in the right direction.
Right now, our home is in a neighborhood and I have neighbors, close to stores, friends, church, areas to run close by (neighborhood being one) and out there, no neighbors or any of the things I mentioned that I do have now. I fear a little that my introvert ways will become even stronger. I like keeping to myself and have accepted who I am, but I know that it is good to get out of my comfort zone for my own good. Our whole marriage, we have had people living close by around us.
The other part is that we will be going through a major renovation – something I have NEVER done – and will most likely (almost 100% sure unless God has other plans) be living through the renovation. ANNND….
We have never even sold a house before! WHAT the heck am I doing??!
Over all there are also so many pros to moving my family out there.
But some memories, things from my past that weren’t always fun, my mom (rest her beautiful soul), it all has my head spinning sometimes and leaves me very anxious.
I don’t want to be anxious because I know that is not the way I should live. I know it does not produce anything good in my life other than lead me away from trusting God.
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God:and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
And as I have typed out my thoughts and feelings, I believe this is exactly what I was supposed to do so that I could be led to remember this VERY scripture!
To bring me back to a place of TRUST and remember TRUTH.
And my goodness, it was perfect to experience His love while writing this!
Truth is, its all part of me overthinking, letting fear seep in, but I at my core, I truly know that it will all work out, but the surface stuff – my flesh is acting like it has no darn sense and trying to run my life.
We all go through seasons of uncertainty. We don’t always know the plan and we won’t always know the plan, but we just have to learn to let go of the reigns, surrender control and let God work everything out. He already knows the outcome. And even though the season may be tough, and we might resist at times, we just have to trust Him.
Every single story that I have heard and seen where God is being trusted ends up beautifully. Absolutely beautiful and many times I am left in awe and absolutely speechless.