Personal · photography

This Heart Holds A Lot

DSC00001-44

Can I be honest with you? Actually, can we talk about that for a second? I love honesty. I love transparency. I love to put it all out there. When I go to church or hear others minister, I love when they are completely raw and transparent. It allows me to see their heart on a different level. It allows me to feel their pain, joy, or whatever it is that they may be expressing. It allows me see and feel them. I haven’t always been this way, but I believe its what allows me to be set of fire within my soul. It brings me out of hiding and into the open. It allows me to use my experiences in life to bring hope to others.

My goodness, I have been struggling! Facebook and Instagram make reality seem like we all have it together. I definitely do not have it all together. Maybe for a few moments out of the day, but not all day, every day. Some days, I feel like I am on fire. Checking things off my to do list, following up with emails, tackling the laundry, cleaning up the house, eating healthy, encouraged some people, got a workout in, made dinner on time, stayed away from the junk food. And other times, I am overwhelmed, all over the place, dehydrated, became more angrier than I should have at something, don’t manage to get anything together, ate way too much cookies, feel the chaos of the world in my heart and I just have moments where I break down and cry. Moments where I feel lost, stuck, and that I am not enough.

DSC09981-32

Yesterday was one of those “other times” days. Does that make me any less of a person? No. It makes me human. God has been working behind the scenes in our life and one thing after another, has been changing for the good. We are so grateful for his love and it just leaves me in awe. I am realizing that many of the little obstacles we face, test our character to keep the faith and keep him up front. All part of His plan. He is bringing forth his will and calling on my life. And as much as I am excited about it, its all still a bit scary.

I literally have no idea where it will all lead, but I am jumping in and letting him lead the way. I am trying my best to leave all control in his hands. I am trying to remember to take time and be still. I get distracted VERY easily. And the thoughts in my head are louder than my own words. The feeling of I have to be doing something all the time makes me go crazy. The control I feel I have to have over things sometimes is what makes me overwhelmed. As things change, I get thrown a curve ball and I have to adjust.

DSC00007-47

So yesterday, I was hit hard. My mind was chaotic and my thoughts whispered to me so loudly….. “You are not enough”. “She has it all together. Look at you. You are far from it”. “This is just too much for you. Just go ahead and give up”. “You need to do this. You need to do that better. You must have this in place now”. “Your life isn’t where it needs to be”. “You suck at being focused”. There is a battle within my mind, to live and think little vs to stay on track and remember the truth. But the truth is, all those thoughts that ring in my mind, those thoughts are all lies.

They come to make me feel less than, to keep me in bondage instead of being free. They are words the enemy throws my way to try and keep me living a little life. But Gosh Darn it, I may still have moments of getting down for a moment, but this girl knows how to rise back up and not wallow around in the pit of lies.

At the beginning of the year, I felt something in my heart that was letting me know and feel that some changes were coming. I share a post about change last year (here) and sure enough, change has been coming. It hasn’t been easy. There have been some hard decisions, but necessary decisions. We are going to embrace it all the best we can. I am grateful that today is a new day to rejoice, start fresh, and remember His truths.

DSC09978-30

I want to encourage you to keep your eyes and heart on Jesus. He has a wonderful plan for our lives and there will be obstacles along the way, times of feeling alone, times of feeling overwhelmed and so much more. But in the midst of it all, praise him and keep pushing forward. Don’t believe the lies that are in your head. Believe in humble beginnings and starting small. Continue to water the good seeds in your life. Remember whose you are and continue to step out in faith. Many times when things get extremely chaotic, God is actually trying to speak to us, but everything is trying to drown him out. Remember Psalm 46:10 – He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

Quiet your mind and just sit focusing on being still. Now, while you try doing that, the quieting of your mind, distractions will come in many forms. Your phone might ring, you will remember something for the grocery list, you may have to use the bathroom, the dog may start puking, a neighbor might ring the doorbell….. Recognize what they are. Distractions be disciplined enough to come right back to where you were. Continue to quiet your soul and God will speak, for you to hear that still small voice that loves you so much!

Much Love,

~Crystal~

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s