Why is it so hard to make friends as adults?

Have you asked yourself that question before? Maybe even recently…

You want friends but you are quite comfortable hanging out with yourself, at the same time. Girlfriend I get it. I have called myself an introvert and so many times people will look at me and say, “um, no you are not!”

But that was because I was operating only in my own strength.

I had someone ask me how I was able to do what I do now, and I responded that only God was able to do this, to take this once shy girl and expand her beyond what she thought was possible.

There was a time when I stayed away from women in groups and you wouldn’t catch me in community. I would attend some events, but they were so hard. I felt alone in the room so many times, so I wouldn’t allow myself to stay.

I allowed past hurt and my own stinking thinking to keep me small. There were quite a few around me, but it was so much easier for this introvert to stick with 1 or 2 people.

One thing that keeps us out of community is fear of revisiting something that we have walked through in our past. Maybe you have been rejected by many groups of ladies, maybe you have felt as though you don’t belong with certain groups, maybe you have a hard time seeing yourself as worthy to sit at the table with others, maybe you have been taken advantage of in the past.

As we sit with it and think about all those things in the past that have hurt us, its easy to talk ourselves out of everything that God has for us and the people that he actually has set aside for us. But we will never get to meet them or get to know them when we wallow with the lies. I’m not saying the pain we have experienced is invalid nor am I saying that it doesn’t create wounds. What I am saying, is that we have to rise up from those wounds, so that we move forward.

When we feel alone in rooms with other people, its a trap to get us to retreat. When we retreat, we stay out of the light, out of rooms, and away from people.

When we are by ourselves all the time, it is 100% easier for negative thoughts, depression, anxiety, isolation, and so much more to settle in and keep us in a box. Its easy for the things we want absolutely no part of, to grow.

Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour
1 Peter 5:8

I had to train myself to be with people because its what helps me. And besides, God called me forward a few years ago. He began to show me things I loved. I think back to where I kind of got started on that path. I was going through post partum depression and began working out. I started going to the gym and I took my first Zumba© class. I remember being so grateful that the class packed, so I could slip in and jump on the back row.

Out of sight, unknown, unseen. Hidden.

That was perfect!

I had an absolute blast at that class.

I kept coming back over and over again and those classes became my first form of community as an adult. I like to think of them as training grounds for what was to come, because I found myself beginning to encourage and speak life over ladies without even realizing.

Our gifts can start coming to life when we are in community. Not that we are showing off, but when in groups we begin to serve with our hearts and what’s at our core begins to rise up and we just operate freely.

But then I learned Kingdom truth and realized that we were CREATED to be in community. That’s where we grow, thrive, and are held accountable. It’s where we can encourage each other, share our struggles with each other, motivate one another and PRAY for one another.

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another…”
Hebrews 10:24-25

When we are in community, in the kingdom, there will be people that do not play with satan and his minions. They will pray some stuff off us, call forth the good and cause anything that is lying dormant within us to come to life!

May we find courage to step outside of your norm and even the norm of what the world is telling us, to get into community because that’s how God designed us and out of obedience to him. The world has ZERO clue what’s best for us, God knows what’s best for us.

There is power in coming together in UNITY!

I get it that it can be exhausting especially when we truly enjoy time alone and may need alone time after being in groups with people, but as we walk with God, He is the one that can stretch our capacity. I used to retreat into my “cave” for a bit to recharge. It was all too much. Even though, I would show up quite nervous and then end up enjoying myself.

This past weekend, I reflected on how much God can stretch our capacity when we allow him. I had an amazing day and was just in awe and filled with joy! My Sunday was filled with so many people, and I never thought I would be able to handle this. From church, to a discipleship group luncheon, so many conversations with people I love…

It was a busy day, but it was filled to the brim with JOY!

I have to say community is everything. Operating on earth as we would in heaven is everything! Come together my friends, break up with the lies. We can begin to see yourself the way God sees us and begin to show up to sit at the tables with others, so that we begin to open up and let others in.

We don’t always have to know the people, we just have to trust God, when we have prayed for him to send us community, to put ourselves out there, to be curious and interested in others.

And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts.
Acts 2:46 (ESV)

Then, we will get to watch something beautiful unfold.

Much Love,
Crystal Keefer

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2 Comments on “You Were Created To Be In Community

  1. This was great! I realized that I never wanted to make friends as an adult because I never saw my own mother with friends. I enjoy my life too without friends, but as I grow on my spiritual journey, I am realizing that I enjoy being in community with like-minded spiritual women.

    Liked by 1 person

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