“Podcast”, you might be asking yourself. Like how is she on Episode 07 when this is my first time “reading” about a podcast?
Well I completely forgot to blog about starting a podcast. Right after it launched the 1st week in July, I was heading out to Washington state to help a friend (we have been friends since kindergarten. Then I came back, caught a cold, then caught covid, and just about a week ago is when I fully felt like myself 100% again.
So I am catching you up. With Episode 07…
The podcast is called The Blessed Brokenness Podcast and its all about sharing truth, light and encouragement to uplift women around the world. Its also a place where women that have walked through brokenness and and said yes to freedom, can come to share their story to help bring other women through the valley. My hope is that every woman will begin to realize we are not “just broken” as we may have rehearsed over and over to ourselves, but that we are holy because we have been made holy and whole.
I had the pleasure of sitting with Jenny Bonilla recently and it was such a beautiful time. I got to hear how brokenness came knocking at the door, but after being nudged by Holy Spirit, even when she didn’t know what was happening, to make some radical decisions, God lead her to truth and freedom. We all love a story of redemption right? Take a listen!
The part I forgot at the end was What was meant for evil, God will turn around for good. I pray that you are able to see the hope for your own life through Jenny’s story.
For scripture reference on the story of Rahab the Harlot (prostitute), refer to Joshua chapter 2, Chapter 6 verse 22, then in Matthew 1:5 we will see how she married the man she rescued in Joshua.
For the woman with issue of blood, is found in the Gospels Matthew, Mark, and Luke, but you can take a look at Luke 8:43-48.
I hope we begin to pick up our crowns and walk the journey back to our original design and The Truth.
Always remember sisters (and brothers), you are brave and so courageous! Grab a hold of the hope in front of you and hold on to it to begin taking that first hard step.
Do you find yourself struggling with obedience and saying yes to God?
Would you say it’s a trust and faith issue? For me, I believe it was a trust and faith issue. It was hard putting my trust in Him when I was pretty much living on my own plan for my life. That may can be the case for many of us. We have a hard time putting all our trust in something we don’t understand and can’t see. Its easier to put trust in ourselves vs releasing that to put all trust in the Father.
We definitely know when we can or can not do something, but when it’s something big, we usually automatically resort to “I can’t” and shut the door. We think it must not be meant to be because we can’t see past it actually being a possibility.
We tap out when it feels it will be too hard, right?
Let’s back up for a second. How do we even know when God is speaking to us? Well that takes to training to learn to be still enough to hear his small still voice, but in the midst of a busy life, He could be speaking through a multitude of things.
Have you ever had this nudging to do something, but it scared you, yet it felt like it was a good thing?
Have you ever had the same thing come up in your life around the same time and it just felt like it was a coincidence?
Have you ever had a idea pop up in your mind that seemed bigger than you?
Have you ever felt lead to give something special to you away, but it felt like an internal battle because you were attached to it?
Have you ever had someone tell you something positive over something you were doing and it encouraged you to go after more, but it seemed like new territory?
Have you ever been in church and it felt like the sermon was written for you?
Have you ever walked through nature and felt this overwhelming sense of something new or like you were coming alive with fresh revelation on something?
Have you ever felt this overwhelming sense of calmness in the midst of something extremely hard, like maybe something was being spoken to you, but you didn’t quite hear an audible voice?
There are so many more ways he speaks, but if you have experienced any of the above, that is usually God speaking, leading and nudging you.
But thinking back to a time where He may have been speaking to us, how many times have we missed out due to saying “No” out of fear of what could happen?
When we choose obedience, I gotta tell you it will come with opposition and challenges.
Obedience is not quite the easiest thing. Especially when opposition comes right after you say yes, to make you think, “Well its not meant to be”. Sometimes it may feel like you are being stretched and you are about ready to tap out, but you guys, stay in it and sit in it.
I have learned that is a time to push through that opposition. And it can seem to take all the faith you have when you decide to push.
It becomes a sacrifice. You are choosing God and His ways over your own will and your own plans.
A sacrifice we make is only temporary. Victory, breakthrough and deliverance is permanent. Allow yourself to be stretched for the sake of bringing someone else through the valley.
I am very passionate about bringing others through the valley of a challenging time in life. But even though I am passionate and it fires me up, it’s not always easy.
The question is what would we be willing to do when God nudges us to dive in with Him?
Will we say “Yes” or will we run for the hills and pretend we didn’t hear anything?
Sisters, I promise you, God will show up and do what only he can. He will use you as a vessel to carry out His will and His glory will be revealed. I can attest to letting go of my own plan and saying yes to His, has been an amazing journey. More than anything I could ever have done for myself or in myself.
Can I just encourage you to lean in and say “yes” to Him. He wants to do a work in you too through your obedience.
Have you ever had a nudging in your spirit that there was something more to life than what you were dealing with at a particular moment? Maybe life was and had been tough for you for quite some time and you found yourself thinking “there has got to be more”.
Its like an itch to do something different. We begin to feel an itch for something more, but not everyone goes and investigates. Not everyone goes and opens the door. Not everyone goes to ask questions. Not everyone chooses that narrow path. Not everyone says yes.
Why is that? We want more, but we get a taste and then begin to shrink back to our area of comfort, right? Because it’s hard and we don’t believe enough in ourselves or the Father to get us through. I gotta be honest with you. YES it’s hard. It’s not easy being pruned, corrected, transformed. It’s not easy having “the world” plucked out of you when you thought that was truth all along.
I began to feel an itch quite a few years ago and it became my journey to truth. Years of transformation. Years of pruning. Years of discipline. To getting back to the place of my original design. You see when God created us, our original design was perfect, but some where along the way, we were fed some lies and ended up believing them.
We started looking around to the world for answers.
We began to think we were not good enough when we tried something one time.
We believed the harsh words of someone’s OPINION of us.
We began to think life was about money. The more you have, the better your life is.
We began to believe that WE didn’t have what it takes.
We allowed shame and condemnation to sit in our living rooms day in and day out.
We allowed things into our bodies that cause destruction over time.
We hustled our way through life being busier than busy and called it “the life” and it made us proud.
We began to shrink back from community because it’s hard to be in a room with people so different or because we were hurt at some point.
We allowed fear to be rooted in our front yard, growing in to a large thing that hovers over us everywhere we go.
We began to believe the person we look at in the mirror is Just who we are with all the worldly attachments – greed, lust, alcoholism, anger, attitude, lack, fear, depression, anxiety, materialism, and so much more.
Y’all I had anger, attitude, lack, depression, anxiety, and materialism attached to me like it was a sibling and part of my DNA and I thought that was just who I was. But the truth was that none of this was pure. It didn’t provide me with freedom. It kept me in this box with chains attached to me and I couldn’t get out. I was stuck constantly looking at my problems, living in fear, looking at the problems of people, looking at what I lacked, suppressed my personality, trying to fill a void and mold myself into what the world thought I should be like. I was carrying around some heart wounds and I even wanted to commit suicide.
Did a Father who LOVED his children intend for us to live this way? HECK NO!!!
You see God created us perfectly, but we believed the lie that we were not good. That we have nothing to offer. That our personalities were crappy. That we were too tall or too short. That our legs were too big. That our eyes need to be a different color. That our hair isnt straight enough or good. That we are too dark or too light. That we are too old for fun. That our natural is ugly.
You were created beautifully as a masterpiece!! Start to believe that truth before you take in another lie.
Believe that your personality is a gift and that you were not created like anyone else.
Believe that the person who you were before someone told your their opinion of you was so darn good that she didn’t need to be “fixed”. And forgive yourself when you tried to fix her.
The TRUTH of who you are (that has got to go beyond the surface) is Perfect. God is calling you back to her. That’s why life can be a struggle because we are trying to live outside of our original design living a life that is not God’s best.
You my love are so needed, so loved, so beautiful, so unique, so amazing, but I need you to begin to believe that.
Pick your head up as you speak words of truth over yourself. Hold your head up high, and pick up your crown. It got knocked off and for years you walked past it on the ground looking at it and believing you were not worthy. So you continued day in and day out just stepping over it.
PICK IT UP.
Pick up that crown and put it back on because you are the child of a KING! Walk in that and believe the TRUTH.
Every Tuesday since October, I have been doing Real Talk Tuesday on my Facebook page where I dig into a topic and speak some truth to encourage others. My mission is to bring truth, light and encouragement to as many women as possible, helping them to realize who they are and allow them to tell their story, while leaving them ridiculously hopeful for tomorrow.
This morning as I was getting dressed, I got the itch to write, so here we are. I am usually given a message to speak on through the simplest things. Sometimes its a photo, sometimes its words someone says, observation from my facebook feed, scripture in the bible, even looking at the trees and clouds.
I was looking through photographs I took at one of the oldest gardens here in Charleston and I got a message about our path in life as I stopped on one photo.
I began to feel the aches and pains of the hearts of those around me. There are many that feel alone. There are many that have been on the journey for some time and it feels so hard. There are many that are just tired. They have been at it, pushing and it feels like they can’t push past this one wall. I was feeling that there are many people that are thinking about giving up.
The path we are on can sometimes feel daunting, lonely, and like you will never get to the other side, but I want to encourage you to keep going, keep pushing through and hold on to hope.
Can you relate to any of those feelings?
Maybe you are on a fitness journey and those around you are just killing it with their health and it feels like you are only dropping 1lb here and there and then gaining it back. I have been there!
Maybe you have this dream or vision in your heart. It seems so real, you can picture it so well, but it seems out of reach. You thought at one point you could work towards it, but then the door closed and the only thing you could think was that its best to just move on to something else because that’s not meant to be.
Maybe its a relationship that you want to change so bad, but it has been causing to much heartache, that you just can’t take anymore. You are tired of putting in the work. It feels lonely and you wonder why can’t your relationship with this person isn’t worthy to be redeemed.
Maybe its with something God put in your heart that has been so big and you have been doing your part and working at it little by little but every time you feel like you are about to break through, something happens making it seem like maybe you heard God wrong and you have begin to doubt everything.
There could be a mixture of things, but my beautiful sister, I need you to take a deep breath and welcome some truth in your life. The path can FEEL all those ways, but the truth is that its just a feeling.
Sure you may be feeling alone, but the truth is God is always with you. (Isaiah 40:31)
You may be feeling like its so hard, but the truth is God empowers those he calls. (Hebrews 13:21)
You may be feeling tired and weary, but the truth is God will give you new strength and renew your power. (Isaiah 41:10)
You may be feeling all the things, but when we align ourselves up with the truth, we find new found hope and strength to keep pushing through in the midst of the struggles, trials and tribulations. But we have to make a decision ahead of time that we will not give up.
You are not weak. You are not double minded. You are not wishy-washy. You are not defeated. You have not been skipped over. You are not going to miss out on your calling.
You are not the lies that come up in your head that leave feeling ashamed and worthless.
Just because something seems like its not meant to be, it doesn’t mean that it is never happening. What if it just wasn’t the right season?
What if God wanted to give you a heads up on what’s to come, because He loves you so much, but so many times we dive in believing its NOW season and end up frustrated because we haven’t waited on God. There is nothing wrong with getting started, but if you do get started, promise yourself that you will never give up on that things He places in your heart.
What if God was working on a better way for it to happen?
What if you had a bit more growing to do in order to handle that greatness that was to come?
What if God IS working behind the scenes, orchestrating all the details?
I don’t know about you, but I had some growing to do in this life. Some getting rid of old mindsets in order to walk in truth and rise up to the person I have been created to be. Erasing lies I have believed and getting rid of the ways of the world in me, took time and it was a journey. I don’t ever want to go back to something just to receive it all and not be ready spiritually or emotionally to handle it.
Sister, don’t you dare give up! Hold on to hope, truth, and stand firm believing that you CAN because He lives in you. Not in your strength, but His.
When we are thinking about giving up, I believe its all part of the enemy’s scheme to get you off your path and leave you feeling defeated.
Yes, I know its not easy. Yes, I know it may be the hardest thing you have ever done. Yes, I know that there maybe some people trying to discourage you. Yes, I know it feels like you may be alone.
But I know that YOU CAN.
I know that you can push through. I know that there is some strength within you waiting to be tapped into.
You gotta start telling yourself the truth. Don’t open your mouth and let words of defeat come out. Allow empowering, strength building words to be released from you tongue.
And imagine me right beside you, looking at you, feeling all you are feeling, sitting in it right with you, loving you enough to look you in the eye and say firmly with all the love in my heart “Don’t you dare give up. I need you to dig deep and push. You’ve got this”
Though we experience every kind of pressure, we are not crushed. At times we don’t know what to do, but quitting is not an option. 2 Corinthians 5:8 So no wonder we don’t give up. For even though our outer person gradually wears out, our inner being in renewed every single day. 2 Corinthians 5:16
I want to help you destroy a lie on this beautiful day. I think someone needs to hear this.
You know as women of God we want to be “good Christians” and read our bibles, attend study groups, go to all the church things, feel like we are doing “our part”, do “Christian things”, but yall the idea of all that above is basically a lie. It’s a religious illusion and kind of a trap. If we are not careful we will end up focusing more on looking good to the world and man, vs getting to know the heart of God and His righteousness.
Sure, we should read our bibles and want to, but doing all those things just to check off a list to feel like we are holy won’t help us get to true the heart of God and fill the void we may be feeling.
Sure, it’s good to attend study groups and be involved at church, but Jesus also said that we are the church. So find some freedom in that truth when it feels like you may be struggling to do any of it. Go out there in life and share your gifts with the world, but do clear some time on your schedule to dig in to community too.
Y’all it is so easy to look at other Christians and women of God, thinking they have it all together, they are walking holy, and you are over here just feeling so less than because you are struggling to even pray!
Release that lie and walk in truth!! No one has it together. What does that foolishness even mean?
The women you see, have struggled. They have rough days. They feel the same way at times. I struggle at times. My walk is not perfect and I don’t want you to sit there with these lies just brewing in your mind, tormenting you, telling you you have to be perfect or else.
This morning was the first time in a while that I have been out on the porch where I love to sit with God. Sometimes my prayer life is one sentence before I fall asleep, sometimes I get distracted during my quiet time and end up on my phone, sometimes I would rather be alone than in community, sometimes I act out in the flesh, (like an absolute butt), sometimes I feel empty and and haven’t picked up my bible in some time, sometimes I miss church…. I did not start reading a bible until 2018, but God still used me and performed miracles in my life.
“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness..” (Matthew 6:33) notice that doesn’t say anything about seek perfectionism, religious life the way Christians do things.
The truth is, God is always with me. He knows my heart. He is not looking for me to do all the things and check off a list in order for him to love me. He has already made us Holy, so we don’t have to try and act “holy”. He knows that this life can be a challenge and there are things pulling us in different directions. He sees us and really wants to have a relationship with us.
Ladies, as RAW women, we gotta be real with ourselves, true to ourselves and walk in truth. Drop those chains of lies and pick up your freedom, free from pressure to perform.
Even when you can’t form sentences to pray, Holy Spirit is already interceding on our behalf. “.. The Holy Spirit takes hold of us in our human frailty to empower us in our weakness. For example, at times we don’t even know how to pray, or know the best things to ask for. But the Holy Spirit rises up within us to super-intercede on our behalf, pleading to God with emotional sighs too deep for words. (Romans 8:26 The passion translation)
Just take it day by day and just take time sit with Heavenly Father if anything at all. He wants you to get to know Him, He wants you and your heart most of all. He want you to learn His voice and to refresh you with His spirit. He wants to speak to you and put things in your heart.
He isn’t interested in religious standards. He is interested in YOU and you walking in your true identity.
So don’t allow that religious spirit to come in and tell you you aren’t any good because you haven’t done x, y, and z. You do you with God.
I’ve gotta tell you, my relationship with him will look different from yours and yours along with other women, will look different from mine. Find freedom in that because God made us all unique, but He knows how to take it from there and He continues to mold us into who He created us to be.
And lastly, when you are wanting to take your walk deeper with Him, it takes time and discipline to dig in. Give yourself some grace. The enemy sees what you want to do or have been doing and starts to tremble because he knows the power of a woman! He will attempt to throw in distraction after distraction, but you just keep at it, keep showing up and let him know who actually runs the show around here!